Christianne's Spiritual Journal

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I did a lot of soul-searching today regarding men.  

I had a deep conversation this morning with my mom about men and marriage, and I realized I harbor much hate and bitterness toward the two because of the poor example that my father left me with. To put it simply, his adulterous habits eventually led to my parent’s divorce. 

This has left me as the eldest daughter really wondering about men in general. What’s the point of marriage if all it guarantees is heartbreak, insecurity and a third party? Every marriage I know has had or is having a rough time regarding adultery on the man’s part. And I literally mean every marriage that I personally know of (those that are past the honeymoon stages, anyway). As of right now, I have many trust issues and hold much skepticism and contempt for dating/relationships and men. Sometimes I even feel that God made it a joke to create marriage between a man and a woman. It’s not a joke on the woman’s part, but for God to make man a visually-stimulated creature and to tell him that he is only to be with one woman for the rest of his life? I laugh at the irony of it! I feel that it is almost near impossible for a woman to feel secure in a marriage relationship.

Because of what I’ve seen in my parent’s marriage relationship, I have assumed the impression that if I don’t look good enough or dress well enough, I am unable to maintain the faithfulness of my husband. As a woman in today’s society, I realize that where men struggle with lust, women struggle with immense insecurity, eating disorders and sexual promiscuity that is in response to wanting the approval of men. It’s all very circular, and time and time again I struggle with my desire for worldly beauty vs. biblical femininity. 

I feel these things, yet I know that they are not the correct things to think. I know that God intended marriage to be a beautiful thing, that even though a man lives with them his entire life, he will leave his mother and father to cleave to his wife (Genesis 2:22-23). Out of a marriage, love forms and is seen in the creation of a family, and the process repeats itself. The uniting of a man and a woman is a very beautiful and holy event. As much as I hate, or as much as I’m afraid, of men and marriage, I want so badly to believe that God has given me a man who will love me and cherish me without forcing worldly standards on me, and without harboring an adulterous streak.

And so I did a lot of video and sermon searching today about men, lust and sexual purity. I wanted to know that there are men out there who are actually pursuing Jesus Christ and righteousness, and who would actually say, “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman,” as Job did in Job 31:1. I wanted to know that even though worldly men indulge in their sexual desires, there are still godly men out there who will fight their flesh to the death of it. 

And God showed me many examples of normal, every-day godly men out there during my investigation!

I breath with a relaxed heart now after a few hours of listening and watching different sermons and videos, and I thank God for raising up men for Him who refuse to lose the battle to sexual temptation. I think these men are few, but they are very much out there and seek to serve the Lord wholeheartedly in speech, action and mind, which includes the way that they interact with and look at women.

I specifically enjoyed watching this particular video because it brought out a bunch of regular Christian guys who just wanted to speak on sexual purity. They were honest with their thoughts and their struggles, and it was very refreshing to hear. I highly admire how they were aware of their own weaknesses and how sexual sin would affect their relationship with Jesus Christ. It’s great to see my Brothers out there wanting to be like Him and willing to deny themselves for Him, where men of this world will not.

This really encouraged me just because it shows me that not all men are the same. Yes, it’s fairly obvious that all men are not the same, but then again all of the male figures in my life haven’t exactly given me a reason to believe otherwise. This gives me an odd, but renewed hope in men and marriage in general. 

It also gives me a new perspective on men and the way that they are wired. I thought it was hard to be a Christian woman, but now I realize it must be one of the hardest things in the world to be a Christian man in a society where sex and women are plastered everywhere! As a woman, I need to guard my emotions, but as a man, how hard must it be to guard your eyes? I used to fault men for their weaknesses, but now I sympathize with them—or at least the ones who are trying not to fall into sin. 

So to all of my Sisters out there in the Faith who have insecurities and doubts about men (and I know you’re out there too!), stay strong and be hopeful. There are future husbands out there who won’t cheat on you because they love Christ and they love you. And to all of my Brothers out there who I’ve lumped in with worldly men, I’m sorry. I know I hate on guys a lot, but now I’ve gained a newer understanding of the issue at hand. Please continue to be strong and fight the good fight! We need more men like you in this world, and so does Jesus!