Christianne's Spiritual Journal

Resolutions

So I deacivated my facebook today.

As stupid as it sounds, I believe I’ve been distracted by it. To put it simply, some of it was an extension of my ego and a desire to impress certain people with certain aspects of it. I’ve decided to stop trying to impress people with what I say, what I look like, where I’m at, what I’m thinking, who I’m friends with and all that crap starting today. I miss God. I miss Our time together. So it’s not just facebook—it’s kind of like I released the “world” to get back to the Lord.

Pretty much going MIA so I can KIT with Jesus.

I’m a bit tired, and this is turning into a diary more and more. But I just wanted to record this for myself. I woke up this morning and I prayed, and I imagined myself preaching the Gospel to Relevant. I imagined what I would say to them, to the point where I began going into detail and being passionate about it in my mind. And I kept imagining it, and then I ended up crying in my bed because I became aware of the message I was preaching in my mind. Even though I’m afraid, God speaks through me even in my mind to an imaginary audience. It was beautiful.

Who am I that I should have faith at all? What a blessing to struggle to be more like Him. Sometimes I feel embarassed to say it; the words form in my mouth and it’s unnatural to me.. but I love the Lord with all of my heart and soul and mind. I’m so grateful to be saved. I don’t have words to convey exactly how I feel when it comes to this.

At first I thought I didn’t know what to do in order to prepare, but I realize now is the time to prepare myself for Bible college. 

I just want to be all that I was called to be. So my plan is to attend E.Di.F.Y. for the next four months just soaking up Gospel-centered messages and helping out with the youth group and hopefully rounding up the girls to do an occasional girls Bible study time, meet up with Helen Tuesday nights to talk about things, meet up with David for Bible time and hopefully clear out Thursday nights to attend the Women’s Bible study. Wednesday nights will be for Choir and Saturday/Sunday will be church.

In between these times, I expect to be reading my Word on the daily, learning to pray ferevently, fasting, and doing my daily devotionals. This is going to be difficult, but I expect to carry through with it.

I also expect to deepen my female friendships or cultivate them in order to pursue biblical femininity: nurturing, compassion, loving, caring.. along with being accustomed to future mother duties.

I have a lot to work on this year. A lot of goals set out before me. Anyway, just some goals and changes I’m making.