Scripture
Psalm 63
Observation
I was going to do a SOAP in the book of Acts today, but I felt my heart wasn’t on it. Acts is more like a historical account of missionary events following Christ’s ascension.. it would have required a lot more “Observation” than anything else. But right now, I’m not much up to observation; but I’m up for feeling and relating.
So I felt that it was on my heart to go into the book of Psalms. Beautiful songs that just talk about God’s glory, His mercy, who He is, how He is, Why He is. They are outcries of joy, pain and confusion. They are honest. I was skimming through, hoping to find something.. and God always comes through for me, so I did find something, and it touched me deeply. There is also something very powerful about reading the Psalms out loud, as if to God Himself. The words come alive to you, and peace settles.
“O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;
My soul thirst for You, my flesh yearns for You,
In a dry and weary land where there is no water.
Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary,
To see Your power and Your glory.
Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,
My lips will praise you.
So I will bless You as long as I live;
I will lift up my hands in Your name.
My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness,
And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.”
Vs. 1-5
I definitely identify with the feeling of being in a dry and weary land where there is no water. It may be my fault or not.. but that feeling is familiar. Every time I feel this way though, I have this longing feeling in my heart to draw back to the Lord. Assuming I have turned away for a while, it is as David says, “My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You.” It’s a strange notion, and the same thing could be said between intimate couples.. which sounds odd, but it’s something that hit me. When you want more of God, it almost consumes you. It drives you. It pulls you. To thirst and to yearn is to want that which is not yet attained or possessed. And it sounds like it’s a bad thing, but to be consumed in your thoughts and heart for God is a beautiful thing, because He does satisfy us. We can long for material things, for loving relationships, for a friendships and great-paying jobs, but they do not fulfill as He does. I like the notion that it like being “in a dry and weary land where there is no water”—being that desperate for God in your life.
This is how I know if I’m growing spiritually. I know I’m growing spiritually if I become thirsty for more of Him. Sounds obvious, but think about it. I haven’t read my Bible for maybe three weeks, and already I’m feeling so weak and dry. This is why I’m doing this right now, because I know this is the way to get closer to Him and to get back on track. Before, this would not have affected me. I could have gone months without reading my Bible or praying.. feeling nothing. But now, it’s as if this longing in my heart has been riled up. I need to be with Him because I long for Him. It’s so strange.
I love the mind image in the last verse of this portion: “My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.” That’s exactly how I feel. When I’m with God and when I’m constantly in His presence, I feel like a fat kid on cake—so extremely satisfied. I walk around happy, my heart if full and I have a smile on my face even during the tough times.
“When I remember You on my bed,
I meditate on You in the night watches,
For You have been my help,
And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.
My soul clings to You;
Your right hand upholds me.”
Vs. 6-8
Exactly how I feel. God has helped me through so much.. I don’t understand how I cannot give Him my life and my praises. As of late, I’ve been sluggish on my prayers, but I am always thankful for His provisions in my life and most especially for the strength He has given me through His Son. What would I have done without Him? I like the idea that “my soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me” because it does. Everything I am rests on Him. My life is worthy only because He holds me up. I have the honor every day to think of Him and remember Him. It satisfies my heart just to remember the good things He has done for me. It’s a beautiful thought, it really is.
“But those who seek my life to destroy it,
Will go into the depths of the earth.
They will be delivered over to the power of the sword;
They will be a prey for foxes.
But the king will rejoice in God;
Everyone who swears by Him will glory,
For the mouths of those who speak lies will be stopped.”
Vs. 9-11.
This gives me trust that God will serve as the Righteousness that He is. I get so frustrated sometimes because I feel like some people are always out to doubt me and to push me down with what I want to do. Then there are those who just hate me because of what I am in Christ. It’s sad, but I know that in the end I am righteous because of Him, and those who aren’t will be, well, called out on it eternally.
I thought the positioning of the passages was interesting, as well. The first two passages focused more on what David felt in the presence of the Lord. This is exactly how I feel when I think of Him. I love that a Psalm captured a picture of my heart. There is nowhere I would rather be than in His presence. My heart and my flesh just long to be in His presence, even when I’m slipping away. I can’t stop giving thanks with my life because of Who He is and because of what He has done for me. My life depends on Him. And then it goes into the world around him.. people who are against him, and hating him.
I think this shows me that the world doesn’t matter, only how I am with Jesus. As long as I love the Lord with all of my heart, then everything will be okay. God takes care of the naysayers and the wicked in the end. Ah, I’m very simple-minded right now in my descriptions of this passage haha! But I felt strength rush in after reading this just because this whole day, even venting about it to my old professor, I felt like I wasn’t crazy anymore. Haha, let me explain.
After a while of not being able to talk about these kinds of things with people, sometimes it feels like I’m crazy because I feel so dependent upon God. Not to say that no one out there loves the Lord, I just haven’t talked about it with anyone just yet. So I have been feeling like I’m thirsty for more of Him, longing for more of Him, and I mean literally.. and some people wouldn’t really understand how I felt. Like why am I so insistent on Scripture and living for Him and this and that? But after reading what King David wrote hundreds of years ago, I felt stronger.
It was as if God told me, “It’s good to feel this way. Follow me with your whole heart, despite what the world thinks of you. Yearn for me, and I will satisfy your very soul. You have seen my glory and my power, and I have been with you through your tribulations. Be a woman after my own heart.”
I feel so good right now. I probably jumbled up what I meant to say, but it makes sense to me. And I know I switched from topic to topic! But I need to stop feeling ashamed of my passion for the Lord, though. I always try to surpress it because I’m worried that others might think of me as a psycho-freak fanatic or a weirdo or boring, but He is just such a good God.. He’s always on my mind. Sometimes to the point where I want to dedicate entire conversations about Him or I get bored in conversations where we don’t talk about Him, hahaaa, but I’m so glad I happened upon this. I feel really good right now, I’m not crazy! Haha :)
Goodnight, time to rest for tomorrow’s big day of work! Hopefully I don’t get too slammed with serving :(
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