Rubble
They read from the Book of the Law of God and clearly explained the meaning of what was being read, helping the people understand each passage. Then Nehemiah the governor, Ezra the priest and scribe, and the Levites who were interpreting for the people said to them, “Don’t weep on such a day as this! For today is a sacred day before the Lord your God.” All the people had been weeping as they listened to the words of the law.
And Nehemiah continued, “Go and celebrate with a feast of choice foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared. This is a sacred day before our Lord. Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!”
And the Levites, too, quieted the people, telling them, “Hush! Don’t weep! For this is a sacred day.” So the people went away to eat and drink at a festive meal, to share gifts of food, and to celebrate with great joy because they had heard God’s words and understood them.
—Nehemiah 8:8-12
I’ve had a time of revelation with Jesus today. This whole day was just me and Him. It has been quite a while since I have just sat quietly in His presence. I write heartbroken, but fulfilled at the same time, by the way the day has progressed.
After searching the Psalms for a bit, I was looking through the Old Testament for encouragement, and I stumbled upon the book of Nehemiah. I forgot how much I loved this book when I first read it, but then again the circumstances were pretty different. I first read it and enjoyed it in my quest to finish the Old Testament, but this time, I read it in search of encouragement and hope. I wanted to find something about God’s direction and guidance, something about new beginnings, and I was re-acquainted with a man who had determination and the will to continue even in the face of adversity.
My first instinct was to re-read the book of Job, but then I realized how typical that would be. Job’s story is always used in the encouragement and reasoning behind pain and suffering! And I say that with understanding humor, of course. Not to say that he wasn’t an incredibly faithful man of God and all of the above, but I wanted to give Nehemiah a bit of recognition today. I think he is an underrated character of faith.
Just to dive into the historical background of Nehemiah as best as I can (otherwise I’ll feel like a horrible Bible school student): the Northern Kingdom of Israel was conquered by Assyria, and the Southern Kingdom of Judah has been conquered by Babylon (which is then conquered by Persia). Jerusalem was the capital of Judah. By God’s grace and Sovereignty, King Artaxerxes of Persia allows the exiles of Jerusalem to return so that they can rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, with Nehemiah in charge of the process (the book of Ezra, on the other hand, focuses on the rebuilding of the Lord’s temple)—this sets the stage for the book of Nehemiah.
I want to go into a study of this book in future journal entries, but I chose the above passage because what the Jews were feeling is exactly what I’m going through in my life right now. When the Jews finally finished rebuilding the wall and the exiles in Persia started moving back into the city of Jerusalem, they all gathered together to give thanks to the Lord and to re-establish their foundation on God’s Law. After all, they realized that they were first conquered because of their sin; their turning away from God. As such, they were establishing that they were going to follow God again.
And so I would like to believe that they were weeping out of sadness for turning away from Him, and out of joy for being remembered by God and for being restored to at least some of their former glory (Jerusalem was still Persian territory; a state I believe, since Nehemiah was the governor).
I love the verse at the end of the passage: “So the people went away to eat and drink at a festive meal, to share gifts of food, and to celebrate with great joy because they had heard God’s words and understood them.“
Today, I spent all of my energy trying to hear God out; listening with all of my heart. I ignored everyone today and just went out to find Him. And then, I finally heard God’s words and understood them. I cried all day today, convicted of all the things I have been wrongly motivated by, wrongly wanting and wrongly pursuing. I cried so much today. I cried out of sadness, because I realize that my pain has been brought about by my own falling and being distracted away from the Lord, but I cried also out of joy for this new beginning. Although I am still rebuilding my own torn-down wall of Jerusalem, I rejoice like it has already been rebuilt, because I realize that in the destructive demolition of a structure is the promise and opportunity of a better building, on a firmer foundation.
A new self is inevitable, because my old self is falling away.
And I understood the Levites when they said, “Hush! Don’t weep! For this is a sacred day,” and “Don’t weep on such a day as this! For today is a sacred day before the Lord your God.” Instead, the Jews were told to celebrate, to be happy and joyous, to eat and drink, to which Nehemiah finishes by saying, “Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”
Although my heart hurts, I realize that today is a sacred day. Today, I have won yet another victory in Christ, and in this, I cannot weep or cry. I am slowly coming to celebrate, to rejoice in it. Over the next few days and in the coming weeks, I will be able to see this victory for what it truly is. Although I am sad and weak, I am strengthened by the fact that I know the Lord is looking over me, joyous and pleased to have won me back, yet again. And I know He delights when I choose to delight in Him. Thus, the joy of the Lord is my strength.
I realized in reading Nehemiah that I am the nation of Israel.
Reading about Israel throughout the Old Testament, I always found myself commenting on their stupidity: how many times have they turned away from God even after He has rescued and delivered them from Pharoahs, Kings, Emperors and Nations? They repent after being punished and conquered, and after God has mercy on them and saves them, they go right back to sinning against Him.
I am just the same way. Have I not learned my lesson already? Has God not relentlessly demonstrated His Sovereignty multiple times, only for me to turn away time and time again? Yet in the same way, He continues to rescue me, time and time again. Why does God do this? Am I masochistic, or is He?
Why do I continue to depend on everything else but Him? Why am I always being distracted from Him?
Tomorrow, I hope to write in-depth about what I’ve learned today about myself; God’s words and how I’ve understood them. I am weak tonight because I have finally understood something about Christ that I have never understood before.
This kind of love is confusing and incomprehensible and amazing all at the same time. It hurts, but I’m glad to have experienced a portion of it in my limited understanding.
Tonight, I just rest in the fact that God loves me enough to discipline me, to send me trials and tribulations so that I can truly know who Jesus is. I asked, begged, to know Him better, I dared Him to show me, and day after day in Haviland, Kansas, He is just revealing Himself to me in a deeper and more profound way. I rest in the fact that God Himself is directing the rebuilding of my messed-up, destroyed and crumbled wall of Jerusalem even though I am pressured and oppressed and discouraged by myself and others, as Nehemiah was. Coming across this passage in this book was all God’s doing. I read it, and my heart just dropped at how on point it was for me today of all days; at how the specific words of Nehemiah were: “Don’t weep on such a day as this! For today is a sacred day before the Lord.” God thinks He’s so cool for doing that.
For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for Him.
—Philippians 1:29
I will not relent or give up. It is not within my character to do so. I might be weak, but I will not give up. I might be broken, but when did I ever give up? I have been called stubborn and strong-willed my entire life, and this time I will use these characteristics in my pursuit of Christ. God is my secret weapon, the strength behind my weakness. I will not let this situation stop me from pursuing my Maker. Rather, it is my catalyst for increased spiritual growth, and for it, I am so thankful.
So I thank you God for today, for my weakness; for breaking me again. I pray that you continue to break me until I am fit enough to be used for your glory. Thank you for wonderfully revealing yourself to me today, and I pray that I remember everything I’ve learned today, so that I might write it out for your glory tomorrow. Let me sleep well tonight.
I leave with one more verse that I love.
Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory.
—Psalm 50:15
I trust you, Lord. I’m trying my best. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I trust you with everything that I have. I’ve given up everything for you. See me, please. Weak and confused, I try to humble myself. Please continue to rescue me from myself. Show me who you are, and show me why I am compelled to give everything to you, even though I still don’t understand why.
Mahal kita, Panginoon.
All the praise and glory, I give unto you and you alone; to Jesus Christ, the one I call Saviour, because He has shown me this throughout my life.
button
